Body, Hearts and Minds: A Spiritual Journey

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” – Mark 10: 8

He likes to sleep with the fan on high. I like the room still and perfectly quiet. He is a thinking type who needs to gather all the facts before making a decision. I like to wing it! My spouse and I are very different, and those differences have been an essential part of our spiritual journey together.

On our wedding day we listened to the nuptial blessing that we "no longer be two, but one flesh." I thought that meant we would be united in making love and making babies. Shortly after our first disagreement about the fan, I began to realize that the greater challenge of becoming "one flesh" in our first years together had to do with joining our minds and hearts as well as our bodies. The Christian tradition of marriage invites couples into a deeply spiritual communion with one another and with God

That sounds pretty lofty and you may think that long hours of prayer would be the only pathway to that kind of experience of God. True, prayer is important. Recent research shows that shared prayer is a major predictor of stability and satisfaction for couples. But what could the deeply spiritual union of two lovers with God have to do with whether the fan is on or off? Everything.

Negotiating Differences

A couple’s spiritual life has to do with daily efforts at negotiating differences, celebrating successes, and sacrificing selfish desires for the "us" that is gradually becoming. It is not separate from the routines and joys of everyday life. A couple’s spiritual life has to do as much with making love as it does with making the bed. Spouses are formed spiritually in daily invitations to be more generous, patient and forgiving with one another. Our differences call us to conversion on a regular basis. Sometimes that spiritual discipline is as simple as picking up clothes off the floor. Other times it is as heroic as moving to another city to benefit a spouse’s career.

Random Acts of Love

Random acts of love and care for one another are steps into God’s presence. Every forgiven failing provides a glimpse of Divine mercy. God is love and every mundane effort to love moves us toward the deep spiritual connection promised in the nuptial blessing.

No two couples will experience the mystery of God’s presence in the same way. Some will find it watching a sunset or taking long walks together. Others will experience it while in service to others or at the time of a loved one’s illness or death.

Developing Mutual Belonging

Gradually over the years, an "us" emerges. A deep appreciation develops around the experience of belonging to each other, not in the sense of owning one another, but in being accepted as part of the other. This profound experience of communion is a window through which one can see the face of God.

Below are some questions to help you explore and deepen the unique spiritual connection developing between you:

• In what ways are you becoming one in mind and heart?
• What have your differences taught you about yourselves?
• When and where are you most aware of God’s presence in and around you?
• Which of you would be more likely to initiate a common prayer time? When would it be best to do that? And how?

Mary Jo Pedersen, M.A. is an author and teacher in the areas of marriage and family spirituality. She and her husband David have three children. Article used with permission by the Family Ministries, Archdiocese of Chicago.