Make a Couple’s Spiritual New Year’s Resolution

“What’s your New Year’s resolution?”

Perhaps this question will circulate around your dinner table this Christmas, or at least while you wait for the ball to drop and draw the calendar year to a close. It could be that you already have a healthy habit in mind or that there’s some vice you’re hoping to weed out in 2019. On the other hand, maybe this question only brings to mind fancy gym memberships that will languish by mid-February.

The “you” in the question is typically in the singular and it could be that’s why so many resolutions fail so quickly. Lasting change depends on solid motivations and reliable accountability. Without these it can be hard to forge on when obstacles come our way.

Rethinking this question in the plural presents unique opportunities for both this life and also the one hereafter. This year, try approaching resolutions this way: How can my spouse and I grow closer together by drawing closer to God?

Here are some ideas to get you started:

Read a book together. When it feels like all your conversations hinge on the house, the kids, your parents, and work, it can be tough to feel connected as you once were to your spouse. Choosing a book to read together can spark new conversations that take you out of your day-to-day and explore another element of your lives. Set aside time in the morning or evening to read aloud to each other or find an audiobook online (or for free at your library) and listen while commuting. The book could be about marriage, but it doesn’t have to be. Try Why I Am Catholic (And You Should Be Too) by Brandon Vogt or The Catholic Hipster Handbook by Tommy Tighe (so much fun!).

Learn a new prayer. Catholicism is rich with tradition. If you don’t already pray together, try incorporating one shared daily prayer into your routine. The Rosary is an excellent choice, but if you don’t have time in your schedule for it, start with a Morning Offering before you get out of bed or a Memorare before you leave the house for the day.

Choose a virtue to grow in. It’s always a good time to grow in virtue. Plan a quick coffee date to discuss which virtue your family needs the most right now. If you’re not sure, jot down a note after an examination of conscience each evening or consult with the priest who hears your Confession to help discern. When you have one in mind, look up quotes from the saints on your virtue. Find or create artwork that keeps it front and center in your home. Check in with each other regularly and offer forgiveness as needed.

Build community. Mother Teresa said, “Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.” Break out your brand new 2019 calendar and designate a date once a month or once a quarter to invite other couples and single folks into your home. You needn’t offer an elaborate dinner. It could be coffee after Mass on Sunday, soup on Fridays during Lent, or board games on a Saturday afternoon. For more ideas, check out Building the Benedict Option: A Guide to Gathering Two or Three Together in His Name by Leah Libresco.

Ask for a particular saint’s intercession: The communion of saints is an invaluable resource as we seek to live fully in this world and experience eternal joy in the next. Prayerfully select a saint to lean on this year and ask for his or her intercession each day. Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin, the first couple canonized together, are a wonderful choice for a couple looking to deepen their relationship with God and each other. There are plenty of other options should you have a more specific need. If you’re looking to buy a new home, try St. Joseph. If you’re expecting a baby, look to St. Gerard or St. Gianna. If someone in your family is fighting cancer, call on St. Peregrine.

The path to growing together: Marriage does not negate the individual. Room to grow personally is important in a healthy relationship; so is a path to grow together. A common goal, a common mindset, a common purpose is crucial to maintaining—and thriving—in family life.

Despite common practice, New Year’s resolutions can lead to powerful and lasting results. Taken on together, with the grace of God guiding you, this year could be your most hopeful, most fulfilling, and most beautiful year yet.

Lindsay Schlegel is a freelance writer and editor. She is the author of Don’t Forget to Say Thank You: And Other Parenting Lessons That Brought Me Closer to God. Article used with permission by Together for Life Online © Ave Maria Press.