Strive for a Virtuous Marriage

As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.  – Colossians 3:12-17

Biblical Wisdom for Your Marriage

St. Paul’s Letter to the Colossians is theologically deep but also very practical. It unpacks what the Christian life (and marriage) looks like on a daily basis—when the rubber meets the road, so to speak. St. Paul was fighting growing heresies that were erupting within the church in Colossae. He sought throughout the letter, and specifically in this passage, to calm growing tensions by reminding the community that Christ is bigger than the personal issues, agendas, pride, or ignorance of its members. We see Christ constantly in word, in sacrament, and in one another! God’s presence, in Christ, is right before us, veiled and unveiled, if only we have the eyes to see (Matthew 13:16; Luke 10:23-24).

This passage is speaking to the natural human tension that is unleashed when we try to live what we proclaim to believe. We fail. We fall. And still, God is with us, calling us to do better, to be more—to “be perfect” (Matthew 5:48). St. Paul is challenging the burgeoning church in Colossae —and us, as well—to think differently, to “set [our] minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth” (Colossians 3:2) and to “put on Christ” (Galatians 3:27, KJV).

How To Live This Wisdom in Your Marriage

St. Paul’s Letter to the Colossians is divided into doctrine (what we believe) and practice (how we live it out). We face the same “divide” in marriage. It’s easy to say, “I love you,” but it’s the living it out— “daily” (Luke 9:23)—that is difficult. When it comes to the Sacrament of Matrimony and how we approach it, we must think in heavenly, not earthly, ways, as St. Paul reminds us (Colossians 3:1-3) just prior to this passage.

Take a moment and pray through these six verses from Colossians again. Within these 135 words is the pearl of great price that countless married couples seek but rarely find. This passage contains within it the golden ticket, the secret to a happy and harmonious marriage.

The command to “clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience” (Colossians 3:12) is an active one. These virtues do not happen by mere osmosis. There must be an intentionality on our part, a willingness to be led by the Spirit, to be humble before God and others, and to seek virtue as a response to the grace God has poured into our hearts as his “chosen ones” (3:12).

When St. Paul implores us to “forgive each other” (Colossians 3:13), he’s not encouraging forgiveness as a benevolent and noble gesture. In this command (it’s not a suggestion), he is echoing Christ’s words given to us in the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:14-15) and unearthing a nugget of sublime wisdom—namely, that we are most like God when we forgive. Yes, to err is human, but to forgive—that is indeed divine (Luke 23:34).

Call to Daily Virtue

In this treatise on the call to daily virtue, it is fitting that we would be called to focus specifically on love, which is the unending virtue that “binds everything together in perfect harmony” (Colossians 3:14). Assuredly, when the love between a husband and wife is authentic, selfless, and pure, the home is a happy one regardless of any finite stresses—financial, health, or otherwise—that the family is experiencing.

In studying this passage, we can look to the saints to show us how to live it out. St. Joseph was given the mission of protecting and providing for the Holy Family, which had been placed in peril by a homicidal king. He was consistently invited to “let the peace of Christ rule” in his heart (Colossians 3:15). Our Blessed Mother, Mary, had “the word of Christ dwell” in her richly (3:16), eliciting in her the Magnificat, her song of praise and thankfulness (Luke 1:46-55). In the Holy Family, we find intercessory allies for every married couple and models of true virtue, embodying a posture of constant gratitude to the Lord regardless of circumstances or sufferings. They are also a constant reminder of how we ought to treat one another “in word or deed,” all the while “giving thanks to God the Father through” Jesus (Colossians 3:17).That disposition of constant gratitude to God alleviates many of the daily stresses, defuses the senseless arguments, and avoids a myriad of potential sins by unlocking the grace of the virtues.

Cultivate Holy Arguments  with Your Spouse

Disagreements are a natural part of marriage. Fighting, too, is natural. The word “intimacy” comes from a Latin term that literally means “to make the innermost known.” With this in mind, it should not shock us that when a couple becomes more intimate—not just with their bodies but with their very souls—some difficult discussions and spiritual attacks will occur. The devil hates marriage, as evidenced by his incessant attacks upon it. If, then, a couple truly seek to have a holy and godly marriage, they should expect to see evil at work around them (1 Peter 5:8; Romans 7:21).

Many arguments between a husband and wife could be easily avoided if the conversation preceding it involved greater humility and different questions. This is the virtue and approach to which St. Paul is calling all of us—then and now—when we are joined and bound together in Christ Jesus. A holy life is a virtuous life. A holy and healthy marriage, too, necessitates that a husband and wife both be striving for lives of heroic virtue. Their love embodies and enlivens faith and hope and, most certainly, love in and for God and one another (Colossians 3:14).

By living a virtuous life in a world that often does not understand or believe in true love, sacrificial marriage, or deeper intimacy, you (as a couple) become a living, breathing “apologetic,” a way of teaching the faith. You draw all you encounter to a tangible encounter with Christ within the sacrament that God himself created.