The Mystery of Sacrifice in Marriage
The Mystery of Sacrifice in Marriage
Sacrifice is an essential element of a strong marriage. We give up the lesser important for the most important.
I have been grappling with sacrifice for the last few weeks. In consultation and prayer we decided that my husband needed to work towards being self-employed. In part to accomplish fulfilling his passion, I have chosen to help set up his home office, take on managing our finances and tax preparation, and help with creating his business. Website design, contracts, copyright issues, and more have become my world.
It has required sacrifice to accomplish this goal, which is about jointly creating our future together. We are viewing this process like the sacrifice a seed must make to become a mighty tree. What a challenge this has been when my work related to serving relationships and marriage is definitely not “less important”! We decided that this temporary sacrifice was vital, however.
Sacrifice is focusing on the other
Sacrifice in marriage and relationships are often about making efforts for the betterment of the other person. Often these choices are tiny and minor, such as giving the other person the best piece of food. Maybe you spend time together watching a television show only one of you likes, or you do a task that is usually the other’s responsibility. Sometimes, however, the sacrifice is life-altering, such as when it is important to take care of the other through a major illness. I am watching friends do this now following her diagnosis of brain cancer.
Sacrifice involves setting aside our insistent inner self that wants to be first and the focus of attention. It doesn’t mean that we become invisible or insignificant. We don’t give up our true selves. What I notice, in fact, is that when the motive is pure and the intent noble, our minds, hearts, and souls grow and glow brighter.
Sacrifice is an action
I’m remembering a talk that I heard Scott Stanley, a marriage researcher, give on the topic of sacrifice a few years ago. He defined sacrifice as an action (not just talk), whereby one person freely chooses to give up something for the other without resentment. It is essentially choosing to give up other choices for the benefit of your partner. Commitment with relationships and marriage cannot occur without this choice. Commitment leads to sacrificial behavior, which leads to a strong marriage with a non-competitive environment. Sacrifice bridges the conflict or gap between our own self-interest and the interest of our partner.
Sacrifice is freely given
Scott reminded us though about balance. While couples should not keep score, they must both be engaged in sacrifice for the marriage to be healthy. You are lifetime exclusive partners in the marriage project process. Sacrifice brings new life to the marriage relationship when expressed as a “sincere gift of self”.
Saint John Paul II in his LETTER TO FAMILIES taught us that “Love causes man to find fulfilment through the sincere gift of self. To love means to give and to receive something which can be neither bought nor sold, but only given freely and mutually”.
The Christian model for marriage sacrifice – Jesus on the Cross
“Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. …Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her. …This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church. In any case, each one of you should love his wife as himself, and the wife should respect her husband.” – Ephesians 5: 21-33
Jesus on the Cross, where he gave his all for us that we might have life, life abundantly, is the model of sacrifice for Christian spouses striving to live out the covenant bond of love in their marriage.
Article adapted and used with permission from http://marriagetransformation.com/. Susanne M. Alexander is an experienced Relationship and Marriage Educator and Coach with a specialty in character.
