What I Did This Summer

“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” Mother Teresa

As the fall quickly approaches, vacations start wrapping up and school list shopping becomes number one on the to-do list. Remember when you were excited to get back to school so you could share the infamous “What I did this summer” story with the rest of your classmates? If you were anything like me, the pressure was on because distant vacation spots and exotic outings were not in the family budget. I had to focus on the best parts of my summer, events that were small but worthy of sharing with the group. 

This fall, I invite you to do the same for your partner; offer up your summer report with a reflective perspective on what you did this summer for your marriage; and focus: on the large if you must, but mostly on the small things that have also mattered.

Thoughtfulness at a busy timeWe all know the summer is a busy time as couples try to cram a year’s worth of outdoor activities into twelve weeks of time! Oftentimes we are so focused on the final events that we miss the opportunity to enjoy the everyday nuances that we share with our spouse in preparation. One example: we have a two and a half year old son and a baby on the way. We work full time and feel stretched each day to balance our work and family lives. The other night I melted into the couch, falling asleep after getting the household “ready” for a weekend road trip. My husband drove the car that night to the gas station and filled it up so we wouldn’t have to leave ten minutes earlier in the morning. That thoughtfulness was worth an entire weeklong trip to me!

Pay attention to the small thingsMarriage is about the small things just as much as the “big” things…because those small things illustrate you are listening and trying to understand your partner’s needs. There is not a single one of us who doesn’t appreciate being listened to, not just heard. It reminds me of the second reading at our wedding, common in Catholic wedding masses from 1 Corinthians 12: “Set your hearts on the greater gifts. I will show you the way which surpasses all the others. If I speak with human tongues and angelic as well, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong, a clanging cymbal.” That clanging cymbal can be seen as a nagging spouse sometimes! When the focus is on doing and being thankful for the small, everyday things, they are met with love.

As you share your lists you might end up giving some consideration to how you evaluate yourselves as a couple. If everything on your list is something big while everything on your spouse’s list are small, it’s a great check in point to assess what you feel is important to a successful marriage. While you’re at it, pay attention to what your spouse presents; are there some  items you could reciprocate?

Remember, a great summer marriage report is up to you!  

Questions for Discussion:

• Make a date: Write a “summer report” letter to each other and then share it over lunch, first reading with your head, then with your heart. Share your summer highlight lists.
• How important are the small things to you? Are they as important to your spouse?
• Who are your marriage role models? How have they given you examples of ways to express the “small things?”
• Do we share appreciation for each other on a daily basis?

Lori Notchevi and her husband are PreCana presenters and the parents of two pre-teen children. Article used with permission from Family Ministries, Archdiocese of Chicago.